Well… It sort of is. But this is not about enjoying the deliciousness and more about the sneaky perps stealing it! It’s also not about the monetary cost of creamer theft. It is about the message having this Lock-Top on your favorite flavor of Coffee mate® sends, which is something like: “Keep your thieving mitts off my creamer you cheap ass dinks!”. In this post we will cover the backstory, assign some new terminology, establish a new rule for society, and then have some fun giving away a few prototypes to some lucky friends. If you enjoy Coffee mate creamer like I do, and keep yours in a shared space with nefarious creamer thieves like I did, then read on.

It was circa 2016 and I was grinding it out at my desk-ridden engineering job. I also had a long drive to work and looked forward to having a coffee when I got there before I engaged in chiseling away at my soul. I’m not a sugar guy but I do love me some flavored creamer. And not just any old crappy creamer: Coffee mate coconut is my jam. Because it is frickin’ delicious. Like many other workplaces, mine had a breakroom with a shared fridge next to the coffee machine. I began to notice that I was going through entire containers of creamer on a weekly basis. Now, while I love the stuff, I am not drinking that much! So, like any reasonable person would, I went around to everyone in the office to see if whomever was digging on the same tastiness wanted to split the cost and share openly. Even though I went about this in a non-accusatory manner, everyone denied dipping into my creamy goodness. This really pissed me off so I decided to take action through engineering.

Before we go any further, we need to understand why I was so angered by this. It wasn’t just the cost of the creamer. And while it was annoying, and unproductive, it wasn’t the time it took me to run to the store and get more. It was the inglorious way in which I finished each container. One morning I would have plenty left and the next, I would pour out a little pathetic dribble. Not even enough to give a hint of coconutty flavor to the bitter brew that will make you poo. Then, out of disgust, I either poured it down the sink or choked down a bitter cup to maintain my caffeine induced morning constitutional. The person(s) that were siphoning off my morning flavor were sure to never finish it off completely, only to leave a useless amount in the container. Have you ever noticed that food placed in a shared environment and left for the taking, like a box of donuts in the breakroom or brownies on the counter over Thanksgiving, always seem to get down to one donut or one normal size square and then that last morsel gets divided into ever smaller pieces? Do you know people who do this? We all do. And it drives me nuts. And when it comes to my creamer, it negatively affects my colorectal health.

Academic researchers have actually studied this phenomena and if you are interested learning more, check out Daniel Effron and Dale Miller’s “Diffusion of entitlement: An inhibitory effect of scarcity on consumption”. All high science aside, we need to get into this tidbit of fuckery using plainspoken terms. In short, as it relates to the situation at hand, these people feel some misplaced social guilt if they take the last donut or piece of pie, but not the second to last piece. So, they cut the last one in half, over-and-over again until it becomes an inedible tidbit, just so they don’t feel guilty about being the one to finishing it off. They also conveniently get out of cleaning up the container and surrounding space. But here is the deal: The people who do this are often much worse than the people who just take the last full donut or brownie square! While it might be considerate to cut one donut or brownie in half one time, the law of diminishing returns applies if you continue to halve the remainder too many times. Eventually, that piece gets so small it won’t give any would-be consumer any satisfaction at all. Furthermore, if it gets too small, it dries out, becoming a hard, disgusting, and inedible crumb in a messy container, thereby making the last half-taker wasteful and lazy. Not cool.

So, from here on out and forevermore, we will call these people that will only take half of some remaining scare edible commodity (e.g., creamer), leaving a uselessly unsatisfying amount behind: “Halfholes”. You know who you are. Feel the guilt. Now, just because I am a nice guy and present not only the problems but also solutions (that is what Hidgit is all about), here is the rule: If there is only enough of anything left for one person to adequately enjoy it, if you want it, it is your responsibility to finish it and properly clean or dispose of the container. If you are thinking of cutting something smaller than a donut hole in half, things have gone too far and you are no longer being considerate. You are being a Halfhole. For example, if there is a piece of brownie left that you can pick up and pop into your mouth and eat in one bite- eat it all. Guilt free.

Back to the situation at hand- Enter the Coffee mate Lock-Top (Figure 1). I specifically designed this contraption to fit on the Coffee mate creamer containers to keep them from the evil Halfholes. I even tested it in the wild- It worked great. It was also a funny social experiment to observe the reactions of my co-workers once they all saw the conspicuous lock. Some thought it was hysterical. Others, not-so-much… But within the week, there were generic brand creamers filling up the fridge, which let me know I was dealing with more than one Halfhole. I can’t tell you how satisfying it was to pour the last full serving of creamer into my coffee, throw the empty container into the recycling bin, and make a planned stop at the store to get a new container on my way to work the next day. One societal problem solved with engineering.

Coffee mate Lock-Top in Action

Figure 1.- Halfhole creamer theft stopped cold. Lock-Top secured coconut creamer surrounded by disgusting generic impostor flavors. 

We still have a problem here. You are the only one reading this obscure and ranting blog post. The Halfholes of the world aren’t, nor would they care to change their ways if they did. And your delicious creamer is probably being pilfered by a Halfhole right now! I no longer work in a soul-sucking office so I have no use for this Halfhole creamer deterrent. I was cleaning out my home office and grabbed the last three prototypes I saved and was going to throw them into the trash but had second thoughts. I wondered if the good people of the world might be in dire need of such a device. After all, these took a long time to design and 3D print! It seemed wasteful so I decided to give them away to anyone that wants them. I am also curious to know if there would be any demand to make this into a full-fledged Hidgit product.

If you want one of my last three prototypes, you need to accept that these are 3D printed from PLA or ABS (I can’t remember) over 6-years ago and not perfect (Figure 2). They are also used (but clean). They have all stainless steel hardware. You will need to provide your own combo lock. I designed these to work with the “Master Lock 4680DBLK TSA-Approved Luggage Lock” (as pictured) but it should work with just about any luggage lock that has a 3mm diameter shackle. If you have had it with Halfholes stealing your Coffee mate creamer and are ready to take action, here is what you need to do:

  1. Make a comment to this blog post telling us why you want one and share your story of creamer theft. Also, include what you be willing to pay if this were an actual product in the comment (these three prototypes are free). Then email me privately at [email protected] to let me know you did so and tell us your name.
  2. Pay shipping and handling: I will setup a hidden product page marked *Prototype* where they will be sold one-at-a-time for $1 (your handling charge). I will let you know via email that the page is active and send you a link to complete the transaction. Your shipping should be calculated automatically. I will check to make sure the order matches your provided name.
  3. Agree to write a review on the Hidgit website and include a picture of your Lock-Top in action after using it for a while. If your Halfhole flies into an over-entitled fit of rage and smashes it with a hammer or cuts off the container at the neck, please send pics of the carnage so we can all share the laugh.
  4. This will be first-come first-serve. The first to leave a comment will get the latest design (#1). The second will get the second to last (#2). And the last will get the oldest iteration (#3 with the black top). They all work well but the design was iterated and continuously improved.  
Three Giveaway Prototypes

Figure 2.- The three prototypes being given away. All work adequately to stop creamer theft. *Combo lock not included.

If you miss out on the free prototype giveaway, please leave us a comment here anyway! Let us know what you would pay for these if they were made available. Also, would you be cool with 3D printed versions produced on-demand? If you don’t want to make a comment but are willing to help, please complete a quick 2-question survey using Google Forms here. Remember: We will only make this in America, so don’t expect cheap overseas pricing and be reasonable! Changing the design and paying for the tooling for an injection molded version would be costly and we wouldn’t make the investment unless we can gauge the demand to justify it. But maybe the Halfholes deserve it…    

Coffee mate® is a registered trademark of Nestlé Professional.

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